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Monday, July 7, 2008

Ask Marvin - Wedding Day Budget

Dear Marvin,
I come from a single parent household and have a relatively small family, but my fiancés’ family is quite large and much better off than my mother (who worked to jobs to put me through college). My mom feels like it is her responsibility to foot the bill for most of the wedding and is willing to use part of her retirement towards the tab. I really don’t feel comfortable with her doing this. My fiancé and I can pay for part of the expenses, but his mother really wants us to have a formal sit down reception. What is the etiquette these days? Can we ask them to foot the bill for their guests? I just can’t afford that type of event and don’t know what else to do.

Bride on a Budget

Dear Bride on a Budget,
In today’s world of wedding etiquette there are virtually no rules. While notions of customary responsibilities exist, such as the bride’s family footing the bill or the groom’s family providing the honeymoon, very few weddings actually adhere to these monetary divisions. Today parents are no longer automatically responsible for paying for everything -- this is especially true if the bride and groom are gainfully employed. Many weddings are a combination of the bride and groom, and each respective family paying for different portions of the big day. Sit down with your fiancé and figure out what you can pay for and what you envision your wedding looking like fitting into that budget. Then talk to your mom and see what she can help with WITHOUT dipping into her future security or taking out a second mortgage on the house. Then have your fiancé talk to his parents about the realities of the wedding, and if they still feel very strongly about a sit down meal perhaps they would be willing to pay towards it. If you approach the situation realizing that no one is obligated to give funds to your event, everyone is likely to understand and want to help where they can. If his family can afford it, chances are they will be happy to help ease the burden off of you and their son. Bottom line: it is perfectly acceptable to set your budget and suggest that parents pay for what they desire that is above and beyond what you can afford.
Good luck!

Marvin

Photo courtesy of Allison Stahl Photography
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