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Monday, May 12, 2008

Ask Marvin - Should I Fire My Bridesmaid?

Dear Marvin,
I might have to fire a bridesmaid. When I got engaged over a year ago I asked one of my (at the time) close girlfriends to be one of my bridesmaids. At first she was REALLY happy for me and very helpful and excited. But then her and her boyfriend of 5 years broke up and all hell broke lose. She has become difficult to talk to, snide, always has a bad attitude, etc. Anytime she is asked to help out or participate in anything related to the wedding she throws fits, if she does show up she complains the entire times and makes fun of my choices. We are barely even speaking at this point. And I have very little love or patience left for her. Oh and then there is the drinking. It just DOESN'T STOP. I am afraid that as my day gets closer (only 90 days away) she will make it harder and harder to have her around and I do not want her to ruin my day. Even all the other bridesmaids are hating her now and think I should fire her. And I want to, but I feel guilty too. She has already paid for her dress (that's a WHOLE other story). So what do you think? Am I a HORRIBLE person if I fire her?

Fed Up with My BM

Dear Fed Up,
Wow, I'm sorry that you're going through that. It's always hard when the people that we expect to support us the most turn it around and do exactly the opposite. Remember that she is going through something rough right now and may just be reaching out for someone to lean on. My suggestion would be to try talking to her and sympathizing with what she's going through, while addressing her recent attitude change. She may not realize how horrendous she's being. If her poor attitude continues or she launches into a verbal assault then you need to move forward in your wedding plans without her. You can ask her to participate in a minimal way (ex: guest book attendant) if you think it would salvage your friendship. Otherwise, tell her that with all that she is going through, it may just be mutually beneficial for her to enjoy the wedding as a guest. Regardless of the route you take, don't put it off any longer. The tension is clearly causing a rift in your friendship and casting a dark shadow on a beautiful time in your life. It's not going to be easy Fed Up, but you can do it.

Marvin

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